Yesterday, I did have spotting (at 11W 5D). To cut the story short, my TVS showed internal bleeding (hematoma) and also UTI from Urinalysis.

Doctor’s order is bed rest, with limited bathroom privileges. 🙁

It’s so sad, I have so many things planned for the holidays, and my work piling up. But baby is number 1 priority.

Hubby and I suspect that Johan’s latching at night (to breastfeed) contributes to the bleeding. Im heartbroken. Im not ready yet to wean him, and he is always asking me to latch. I assumed he is not ready and he will not understand. I assumed he will hate me for it (affer 3yrs++ of our exclusive, bonding time together bfeeding) day in and out 🙁

During the whole day, I kept talking to this sweet intelligent toddler that Nanay’s tummy is in pain if he latched. He was sad, I can see it in his expression.

Tonight, I was still telling him, no more latching. When he was sleepy, he gave me Rubble’s picture as this is my fave Paw Patrol. Then he suddenly asked for the bottle (“dede bole” as he calls it). He would  usually asks for it when is he is still hungry after latching. This time, he asked straight for his “dede bole” and lay beside me. He drank while I lay beside him quietly.

After few minutes, he handed me back the empty bottle back and slept.

Oh my baby, he understood. I love you. I love you. Thank you ❤

Beside him is Hubby, who was so tired driving for me today and went to the grocery for my medicine and needs. In between, he was also busy attending go my needs, giving me food, water and snacks so I can stay in bed. He is also tired attending to Johan’s usual whims and attention seeking.

I saw his promise, for better or worse. I see a loving husband. I see pure ove in his service. Thank you Hubby for keeping our promise to GOD 4 years ago, Thank you. I appreciate you and bebe ko. And Im sure the little one in my tummy really really feel the magnitude of your love for us. You are a great husband and father. You, next to God our Father, is my source of courage that we can make it through this as a family. I love you. I love you. ❤

Even Ate Len who has to attend to my needs because I cannot move around the house. Thank you. I cannot see any grudge but pure concern on my situation, even if it means added work from our usual routine. May God bless you more for all that you do for our family. God knows your heart, He blesses those who are obedient like you. Thank you. ❤

Both families in Palawan and Bulacan are also im full force in praying with us. Thank you, we love love you.

Most of all, thank you God for Your LOVE. It is simple overflowing. I can feel it to the bones through the people you gave me. You are the best Father. You have planned ahead! (even the aircon in our room was fixed for the longest time since ECQ months before before I bed rest). Praising you for the provision to pay for the Labs and medicines! Praising you for your grace and hope and promise to me that everything will be alright!

Thank you for reminding me that we are safe. I love You.❤ I miss You. I guess this means a lot of time with You while taking my rest.

Today, that fuzzy feeling of LOVE overcame my anxiety, sadness,  apprehension of the future.

Today, it was just ALL LOVE. ❤❤❤